Feedback Is a Gift But Only If You’re Coachable

Feedback Is a Gift But Only If You’re Coachable

Think about the last time someone gave you candid and useful feedback. Not the polished, feel-good kind. The real kind that was specific, insightful, and a little uncomfortable.

How did it land?

If you are like most people, your first reaction was not gratitude; it was a little defensive. The little voice in the back of your head said, “They do not get it” or “That’s not true.” 

Here is the truth most leaders miss. Feedback is one of the most valuable things one person can give another. Think about it. If you have information that would help someone else perform better and you don’t share it, who are you hurting?  You are hurting them and your team.  So if you don’t share it, you are being selfish. 

But the value of feedback is not determined solely by the person giving it. It ultimately depends on whether the person receiving it is ready to do something with it.  It depends on if they are coachable or not.  Said differently; 

"Feedback is a gift. But a gift left unopened changes nothing."

Not All Feedback Is Created Equal

Before we go any further, let’s be honest about something. Not all feedback is worth acting on. Either because it’s vague or because of the person delivering it.  

The most useful feedback shares four things in common.

  1. It comes from a place of care: The best feedback is delivered by someone who cares authentically for someone else. 
  2. It is specific: Tied to real behaviors, not personality judgments.
  3. It is timely: Given after the action, especially when the person will get a chance to apply it again soon.
  4. It is actionable: Focused on what can actually change and by when. 

That last one matters more than most leaders realize. There is a difference between giving feedback that helps someone grow and saying something just so you can feel like you said it. Great feedback is for the person receiving it. Not the person delivering it.

The Missing Piece: Coachability

You can give the most clear, well-timed, perfectly delivered feedback in the world. And it will mean absolutely nothing if the person on the other end is not coachable.

Coachability is not something you are born with. It is a mindset that’s taught and best learned by how it’s modeled. I have written about this before. Here is the simplest way I know to put it.

"Being coachable is how you show the world that you have a hunger to get better and are willing to put in the work."

The challenge is that coachability fights our natural instincts. When we are young and inexperienced, pride gets in the way. When we are older and have some success under our belt, our track record starts telling us we have already figured things out. Both ends of that spectrum are traps.

The best leaders I have studied do not just hear feedback. They are relentless in finding on specific action they can take coming out of it. That is the real test. Not whether you can sit quietly and keep your mouth shut. Whether you actually test a new action.

What This Actually Looks Like: Mike and David

I was on a coaching call recently with a project executive for a large general contractor, whom we will call Mike. He manages a high-stakes project team, and six weeks before we spoke, he had been ready to walk away from a key team member named David

David was not keeping up. His questions were constant, his output was inconsistent, and the rest of the team was quietly absorbing the slack. Mike had a choice to make. Move on, or give feedback and coaching a better try.  

He chose the latter. But this time, he did not just check in more often. He got intentional. He did what I call the Feedback Loop Model.

Here is what it looked like in practice.

  • Mike sat down with David and had a direct, honest conversation about exactly what needed to change and by when. Specific behaviors and clear expectations.
  • He simplified David’s responsibilities down to a short list of the most critical priorities. This removed distractions, allowing him to focus on what actually needed improvement.
  • They met every week for an hour and a half at the same time. Not to check boxes, but to build skills, course-correct, and hold David accountable.
  • As David improved, Mike layered responsibilities back in, with each layer earned.

Six weeks later, when we talked, their weekly check-in had gone from an hour and a half twice a week down to 40 minutes once a week. David’s question list had shrunk from a full page to four items. And here is the part that mattered most. Those four items were no longer “what do I do?” questions. They were “here is what I am planning, does that make sense?”

The ship had righted.

Mike stopped by David’s office one afternoon and said, “I appreciate you putting in the work.” David’s response was simple. “Thank you for putting in the time to help me.”

That is what the Feedback Loop looks like when both sides show up.

"He received feedback, he was coachable, he acted on it, and we are in a great spot."

How to Make Feedback a Habit on Your Team: The AAR

One of the most practical tools I have seen leaders use to build a feedback culture is the After Action Review, or AAR.

The idea is simple. After a project, a presentation, a big deliverable, or even a weekly meeting, the team pauses to reflect, and they mandate feedback.

But here is the piece most teams miss. When someone receives feedback during an AAR, the only acceptable response is two words.

“Thank you.”

Not “well, the reason I did it that way was…” Not “yeah, but you have to understand the context…” Just “Thank you.”

That one rule changes everything. It creates safety for the person giving feedback. It signals that the team exists to help each other get better, not to defend past decisions. And it puts the focus where it belongs. On learning and applying, not on ego.

Closing

Mike did not give up on David. David did not give up on himself. Because of that, a team stopped quietly carrying weight that was never theirs to carry.

That is what the Feedback Loop looks like when it works. Specific feedback meets a coachable mindset, and the whole team moves forward. You will receive feedback this week. The question is whether you will be ready to do something with it.

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About the Author: John Eades is the CEO of LearnLoft and The Sales Infrastructure. He was named one of LinkedIn’s Top Voices. John is also the author of Building the Best and the Optimistic Outlook.

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